the (sinking) boat

2010-03-03T08:50:00.002+08:00

If I should die this very moment,
I wouldn't fear.
For I've never known completeness
like being here,
wrapped in the warmth of you,
loving every breath of you.
Still my heart this very moment,
it might burst.

2010-02-06T22:22:00.001+08:00

i'll never talk again.
you've left me speechless, so speechless.

2010-01-14T09:05:00.003+08:00

if this is the only way i can still have you,

if this is the only way i can be happy,

if this is the only way i can still see your smile,

i will just let this be, no matter how much it hurts.

hold me.

2009-11-06T10:20:00.000+08:00

hold my hand,
as i fake my smiles.

hold my heart,
as i hurt my soul.

hold my tears,
as i shatter the remnant of my memories.

0311

2009-11-03T23:50:00.001+08:00

I have forgotten whether if it is my refusal to let go or because the hurt has never left entirely yet. it isn't as if memories chose to manifest themselves today. they've healed but never really left.

I find myself wondering what it will be like if nothing has changed. where will we be today then? how will we feel? what will we have become? And it's funny how difficult it had become to picture this possible future of us. two years ago, I could have easily dreamt of what life would be like two years down the road on this day.

but the thing is I can't really recall what I had dreamt of anymore.

2009-10-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

one day, i will find it.

and when that day comes,

tears will finally dry,

hearts will never ache,

smiles will fill my sky.

one day, i will find it.

whispers will be soft.

nights will be filled with warmth.

faint melodies of hope will reverberate across the room.

one day, i will find it.

i won't have to chase anymore.

for everything that i need, want and love

will be right beside me.

one day, i will find it.

with xiaobao on my lap,

as we gaze upon the starry purple firmament,

i know i have finally found my green light.

2009-09-28T08:52:00.000+08:00

love doesn't happen for everybody.
not for me.

since that's the case,
i will not pin for love again.

i gave up on love.
so will love then stop hurting me?

who's gonna save my soul?

2009-09-05T19:19:00.002+08:00

i know i'm out of control now, tired enough to lay my own soul down.

Gravity.

2009-07-12T01:12:00.003+08:00

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free.
Leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You're on to me, on to me, all over...

clair de lune

2009-06-05T23:46:00.001+08:00

illuminated by the moonlight, were the loneliest of hearts.

as they contoured the landscapes tonight, their silhouettes were accented,

bleeding with the residues of long forgotten happiness.

drizzled by the faintest of bitter whispers, they crept through the night.

the journey was meaningless,

their resolution was easily swayed,

for the fleeting dreams these hearts longed for were nothing but fleeting dreams.

if you call me today, i'll say that i'm fine.

2009-05-31T22:52:00.004+08:00

do you know about that innate defiance in all of us? that incomprehensible part of us to commit mistakes, like when someone is telling you that the plate is hot and you just have to touch it, even if you know it will burn you. it exist, this desire to our own undoing, in all of us, perhaps inconspicuous to most, disguised as the so-called "moment of folly".

its like when one commits infidelity. he/she knows very well the consequences of cheating but still does it anyway. and when he/she has to face the music, its always the same reasons - "i was tempted", "i was not myself", "i didn't know what i was doing", "i was lonely", "it was a moment of folly". or it can be as immaterial as you know, having like a huge tub of ben and jerry when you have had this real bad cough lasting for weeks already. my point being, everyone denies it, but we do do and cannot resist these acts of defiance, these "follies" as we call them.

what is it within us that we have to hurt ourselves or the things around us this way? aren't we all pursuing the same thing - finding out what it means to us to breathe in the air we are taking during every moment of the day? and so why do we have to crush and destroy whatever we have had and then go on whining about it? what is then the point of this meaningless pursuit?

its as if i know exactly what i am doing to myself and yet i am still making all these wrong decisions. and when it comes down to that, i just feel like my life has collapsed into total shambles. its always the same thing over and over again. and i am stuck in repeat mode. i am not a fan of self-pity, and i am not pitying myself. i am just frustrated with myself really, to actually carry so much hope when everything i have felt is false hope.

2009-05-30T01:58:00.000+08:00

one day i'll fly away,

leave all this to yesterday.

why live life from dream to dream,

and dread the day when dreaming ends?

always midnight.

2009-05-22T01:23:00.002+08:00

seems like its always midnight.

i am standing here, waiting.

not knowing how long it has already been.

not knowing how much the night has wasted away my daylight.

not knowing how the silence of the midnight has blinded all my senses.

is it the faint whispers of the night that i hear?

or am i just the last one standing in line?

i rather be crazy tonight than to pray that i won't be alone at midnight.

but then again, with you, its always midnight.

2009-05-17T13:26:00.003+08:00

i have tried so hard.
i believe i did try, always did.

i have dreamed of the day when i no longer have to stare at the brilliant sky in a daze and awaiting. waiting for something that may not even come true. like i am perpetually reaching out for the clouds - an unattainable fleeting dream.

today, i still stare blankly across the lonesome sky. but i don't think i am waiting anymore.

my hands are tied and weary.

i have tried enough.

2009-05-14T01:35:00.004+08:00

how long more can i numb myself?

life has become a chore.

2009-05-10T17:51:00.002+08:00

memories are the worst enemies. when you least expects them, they sent jolts of nostalgia and feelings of unrequited losses into your mind. how can you forget something that you have been committed to etch into yourself, when it has already become a part of who you are?

i was by that telephone post yesterday. the feelings of anxiety and finally, joyous relief - i could still feel their presence as if they were just right beside me. the pact was simple - a commitment that we made to each other to stay together as how we were back then. i was prepared to stay beside you even if the news on the other end of the line could devastate you and me.

but everything has changed.
you were no longer that person i knew that night by the telephone post.
maybe me too...

can i just delete everything?
all these unnecessary lingers to the past...
because what is the point when i am the only one who still remembers them?

goodbye.

2009-04-24T22:51:00.003+08:00

i bid my farewell.

it has been long overdue, seriously.

i had coaxed myself too many times that i had put you down, that i had let you go, that it no longer hurt anymore. i kept going back to where i started, thinking that i had moved on, and yet only to realize i didn't even budge at all.

you didn't need me in the first place but i refused to face it. i was still wishfully thinking away how you would need me one day. and i tried, so hard, to become someone whom you can depend on. i needed you to need me - even if it wasn't the way we used to be, i still hoped that i could be somebody you could turn to.

and now i am at the end of the road. but it isn't the dead end that brought me to tears tonight - it is about how empty my heart is right now. the worst thing in the world isn't about losing you - it is about having nothing after all that has been said and done.

and so here i am saying "this is goodbye, for good."

2009-04-21T11:17:00.000+08:00

"i wish i knew how to quit you."

2009-04-12T19:47:00.002+08:00

i'm loss at words.

i just want to rest now. i need a good long rest.

Ne Me Quitte Pas (Don't Leave Me)

2009-04-07T02:02:00.005+08:00

Don't go away.

If you can't forgive, believe, just to live.

You must forget, forget the times you misunderstood.

Let them slip through your hand with the sands of time

And forget those hours when 'perhaps' has died

At the hands of 'why' and our lack of faith

Don't go away. Don't go away. Don't leave me.

Me, I'll offer you pearls made out of the rain

That falls in a world where rain never falls.

I'll ransack the earth all day and night

To surround you with gold and light.

I'll make a domain where love will be king, where love will be everything

And you'll be the queen.

Don't go away. Dont' go away. Don't leave me.

Don't go away

I'll invent for you words just meant for you

And only you'll know what they meant.

And I'll tell you the truth about how other lovers

Looked into each other and how they were moved.

Then I'll read to you the story of kings

Who lived without meeting you and died without knowing you.

Don't go away. Dont' go away. Don't leave me.

Don't go away

I won't cry anymore

I won't talk anymore

I'll crawl under the bed

And I'll watch you from there

As you smile and you dance

And I'll listen to hear

How you talk, when you laugh it's enough

In the shadow of you shadow

In the shadow of your hand

The shadow of your man

Don't go away. Dont' go away. Don't leave.

2009-03-31T02:11:00.002+08:00

i am guilty...so guilty.

i am a fool...such a fool.

as much as i want to save you,

i realized i needed to be saved.

i am silly...so silly.

i just want to close my eyes.

i just want to be by your side.

i just don't want the nights to go on like this anymore.

how long more do i have to wait for morning to come?

will my sky ever dawn?

will the clouds be swept away?

come.

take everything.

i do not need these things that bound me no more.

all these broken dreams, the unfulfilled promises.

take all of them away.

so that i can fly away.

with you.

once again.

i will soar.

2009-03-26T00:33:00.001+08:00

i just need to keep reminding myself...

that it will all get better in time.

2009-03-13T19:41:00.002+08:00

Travaille comme si tu n'avais pas besoin d'argent.

Aime comme si personne ne t'avait fait souffrir.

Danse comme si personne ne te regardait.

Chante comme si personne ne t'ecoutait.

Vis comme si le paradis etait sur terre.

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like no one is watching.

Sing like no one is hearing.

Live like the paradise is here.

2009-03-06T16:17:00.003+08:00

妳的回話凌亂著　
在這個時刻
我想起噴泉旁的白鴿　
甜蜜散落了

情緒莫名的拉扯　
我還愛妳呢
而妳斷斷續續唱著歌　
假裝沒事了

時間過了　走了　
愛情面臨選擇
妳冷了　倦了　我哭了

離開時的不快樂　
妳用卡片手寫著
有些愛只給到這真的痛了

怎麼了　妳累了　說好的　幸福呢
我懂了　不說了　愛淡了　夢遠了
開心與不開心　一一細數著　妳再不捨
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻　
我都還記得

妳不等了　說好的　幸福呢
我錯了　淚乾了　放手了　後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著
要怎麼停呢

Beautiful

2009-02-25T02:29:00.003+08:00

"Such pretty hair

May I kiss you,

May I kiss you there?

So beautiful you are

So beautiful

Please don't move

It feel so good to me

Tell me in my ear

Beautiful

Beautiful

So very beautiful

So beautiful

Beautiful

So beautiful"

- Meshell Ndegeocello

2009-02-20T10:58:00.002+08:00

"Dance like no one's watching.

Sing like no one's listening.

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt before.

Live like there's no tomorrow."

let me shed off my past, rejuvenate my heart, and take that little step forward with you. i won't anticipate tomorrow. i laid yesterday to rest. i just want to take a baby step with you today.

just today, we will be the way we will be.

today.

2009-02-06T21:54:00.009+08:00

i walked alone today.
down that lane that was once so familiar; that i once held so close.
it seemed as if your world was still next to mine.
i can still hear the faint whispers of those songs as i perambulated through the breeze - warmth with memories, yet distant and soft.

i reached out my hands today.
out to the air, as if the contours of your face was still within reach.
it felt just like i was still beside you.
i could swear there was a hint of your breath swept across my palm - gentle and heartfelt.

i sat by myself today.
alone at the end of the road.
i had forgotten how far i had came, nor could i remember how long it had been.
i seemed to be waiting but i couldn't recall what i was waiting for.
was it persecution? or was it forgiveness?
was i lost? or was i found?
was i staring at the sunset? or was i embracing the sunrise?

the burdens i had clung on along the way.
they had already etched too many burns all over me.
tears could no longer heal the scars that had already sunk too deep.
lament could no longer restore the world i once believed in.
time could no longer save me from the bindings of the past.

when i have realized all have been said and done, where can i go from today?

2009-01-27T12:19:00.003+08:00

we live to seek our definition of happiness, therein lies the justification of all our actions and thoughts. it is this pursuit that let us believe; that makes us the persons we are; that makes our existence worthwhile.

so many of us are constantly trying to fill in the missing blanks in our life. yet, so many times, we don't quite understand what we are looking for exactly. it can be at that spur of a moment, we are contended with our sum of happiness. yet, at the next, we realize the equation of happiness seemed to fall short of what we wanted. and so, we let the viscious cycle continues.

how can we be constant with our equation of happiness? can we really be contended?

can i be constant with who i am? and even if i can, can the people around me be the way they always are?

i seek constancy. but i am starting to believe that change is the only constancy that is left for me to seek.

2009-01-25T02:51:00.001+08:00

i am fine.

the heart may die.

but i know i am fine.

slow dancing in a burning room.

2009-01-24T09:12:00.003+08:00

who did we blame when our love ended?
who snubbed and robbed us off those little daydreams we once had?
who sucked us into this, making us only to know how to hurt each other even as we still care so much?

"this is the deep and dying breath of this love we've been working on."

we tangled as we tried so hard to untangle - a dead knot. was it your fault for trying to let loose? or was it mine for trying to hold on? before we realized, our hands were tied, wasn't it?

"we're going down and you know that we're doomed.
my dear, we're slow dancing in a burnin room."

2009-01-23T18:11:00.000+08:00

every night, i still pray that you are well.

every night.

2009-01-23T17:52:00.000+08:00

there is a sense of erraticism between any kind of interpersonal relationship we are in. its a kind of unpredictability - a potential to discourse or to break. it may not necessarily be a darkness, but it refrains one from uncovering it.

it is at the back of our head. subconsciously, we are drawn by it and it leads us to commit certain incomprehensible acts to the ones we are having the relationship with. it blocks out your judgment and you seem to only act as how you will react.

but when you take a step back and give it a second of thought, you will start to realize the rooted cause of this erraticism. you will begin to understand the levels of your relationship with that someone and see how complex they may be - your feelings, his feelings, your desires, her desires, your state of mind, their states of mind.

and when you realize it all, it may just dawn on you how much you should be valuing your relationship with that person. Never to take them for granted and to accept them for who they are. after all, it is because of them that you seem to act in this impulsive manner.

2009-01-15T01:37:00.002+08:00

do you know how hurt i am?

2009-01-14T00:46:00.002+08:00

誰還記得　是誰先說永遠的愛我

以前的一句話　是我們以後的傷口

過了太久　沒人記得當初那些溫柔

我和你手牽手　說要一起走到最後

我們都忘了　這條路走了多久

心中是清楚的　有一天　有一天都會停的

讓時間說真話　雖然我也害怕

在天黑了以後　我們都不知道會不會有遺憾

我們都累了　卻沒辦法往回走

兩顆心都迷惑　怎麼說　怎麼說都沒有救

親愛的為什麼　也許你也不懂

兩個相愛的人　等對方先說找分開的理由

誰還記得愛情開始變化的時候

我和你的眼中　看見了不同的天空

走的太遠　終於走到分岔路的路口

是不是你和我　要有兩個相反的夢

i used to think that i shine. i had the brilliance that killed the lights.
i wasn't afraid; almost fearless. there were no barriers, no obstructions.

but looking at me now, i think i have lost it. the glow is gone and shine, i do no more. life seems to have taken a lustreless path. the colors has faded.

there was a point in life i thought, "this is it, this is the beginning of all possibilities. this must be where happiness starts, where it begins."

i realized today that there was, in fact, the defining moment of happiness. just because it was, i asked myself today have i treasured it enough? just because it was... just because.

like a broken clock, i am always in limbo with the past. every thing, everyone has moved on, why can't i do the same?

2009-01-09T01:55:00.002+08:00

i have been sighing too much lately.

i was pulling my own ear.
i am still a fool.

there should be a limit, a breaking point; the threshold to the heart. or is it that mine has turned into an abyss feeding on my sanity? the heart tortures itself. and for what?

i know it all. yet i have fallen from grace, losing the very last of dignity left in me.

i gave you my untainted truth only to have dejection in return. but you will never comprehend, you will never understand.

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

2009-01-03T10:25:00.000+08:00

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

a post for the coming present.

2008-12-25T23:52:00.002+08:00

this is a post for the coming present.

as the colors of the night blurred, the neon lights seemed to ridicule those with an unbearable lightness in their hearts. those - those that hear the screeching screams of silence; those that prayed, ever so solemnly, that the deafening melodies would just stop.

desires fall short of an actual purpose. cravings are satisfied yet the heart seems unfulfillable. i will take a photo and frame this moment to an eternity. and i will send this eternity to you, my future. ever so hoping for you to understand and to forgive my own undoing, my silly fantasies and my unrealistic expectations of you.

五月天-突然想起你

2008-12-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

最怕空氣突然安靜
最怕朋友突然的關心
最怕回憶突然翻滾絞痛著不平息
最怕突然聽到你的消息

想念如果會有聲音
不願那是悲傷的哭泣
事到如今終於讓自己屬於我自己
只剩眼淚還騙不過自己

突然好想你
你會在哪裡
過的快樂或委屈
突然好想你
突然鋒利的回憶
突然模糊的眼睛

我們像一首最美麗的歌曲
變成兩部悲傷的電影
為甚麼你帶我走過最難忘的旅行
然後留下最痛的紀念品

我們那麼甜那麼美那麼相信那麼瘋那麼熱烈的曾經
為何我們還是要奔向各自的幸福和遺憾中老去

突然好想你
你會在哪裡
過的快樂或委屈
突然好想你
突然鋒利的回憶
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空氣突然安靜
最怕朋友突然的關心
最怕回憶突然翻滾絞痛著不平息
最怕突然聽到你的消息

最怕此生已經決心自己過沒有你
卻又突然聽到你的消息

2008-12-16T02:24:00.001+08:00

i must be the greatest idiot in the world.

why am i hugging xiaobao again? sigh.

2008-12-14T13:32:00.002+08:00

when you got through a struggle, you learned to grow.
when the pieces were picked up, you made a point to stop regretting.
when you finally realize the ignorance of some people towards their mistakes, you knew just how pointless it is to still feel anything for them.

the clouds have subsided.

and now, i want to run away.
to a place so far away, so far away.

2008-12-09T00:48:00.001+08:00

what should i do now?

2008-12-07T22:14:00.002+08:00

"i never really faced it. i just ran."

why do i still care about you?

"people move on quickly, nobody will really appreciate this kind of sentimentalism."

i guessed i made a fool of myself caring too much ba. oh well.

on a happier note.
school's out. yippie.

2008-11-03T00:40:00.002+08:00

it seems like such a long time ago that i was anticipating for today to come. i really thought this will come, i believed in it and i really hoped for it. but somehow things are just not meant to be. the future that i knew had fallen apart. the past that i held onto became nothing but an empty promise. yet somehow, as the day drew, my heart felt heavy. the wound hurts again, and how much more it can still tear me apart, i really don't want to know.

there was that one night i wished for this day to come, but tonight i just wished for everything to be bygones and forgotten.

2008-11-01T23:45:00.006+08:00

Lost - Anouk

If roses are meant to be red
And violets to be blue
then why isn’t my heart meant to you

My hands longing to touch you
But I can barely breathe
Starry eyes that make me melt
Right in front of me

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I’ll be found

This music’s irresistible
Your voice makes my skin crawl
Innocent and pure
I guess you heard it all before

Mister Inaccessible
Will this ever change
One thing that remains the same
You’re still a picture in a frame

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I’ll be found

I get lost in this world
I get lost in your eyes
And when the lights go down
That’s where I’ll be found

Am I the only one?

awesome song.

2008-10-27T02:20:00.001+08:00

i sort of hope you will be missing me too.
guess i am just thinking too much.

oh well.

uber-tired.

2008-10-24T00:26:00.002+08:00

my life has just been tossed into panic mode.
school is draining my health, sucking the life out of me!
endless projects, and there are still more coming when its only 5 more weeks to exams.
my webcasts aren't up to date. deadlines are everywhere! and worse, i get feverish almost every other night. :(

the last good thing that happened were the code edge workshops.
one word - BREATHTAKING. literally. and its surreal to take their classes after hours spent on their youtube videos. i can't wait for monday to come - going for meredith's jazz workshop!

2008-10-19T19:13:00.001+08:00

i will get better.
maybe just not right now...

2008-10-11T21:01:00.001+08:00

let me leave everything behind.
because the past hurts too much.

2008-10-05T02:14:00.003+08:00

谁爱得太自由

谁过头太远了

谁要走我的心

谁忘了那就是承诺

谁自顾自地走

谁忘了看着我

谁让爱变沉重

谁忘了要给你温柔

i keep asking myself questions recently. it just creeps in, unexpectedly.

when two people have to come to this point, it is inevitable for questions. i have ignored them since then - i want to be sane. i don't want to repeat my mistakes, wasting away the time i have. i overestimated myself - i thought i can keep holding on, but the nights just break me.

what have we forgotten along the way? what have we done at that point in time? what have we taken for granted? what have we put down through it?

i need to realize just how much it pains me now. i have put them aside all this while. but now, i have to face the music. i realized i already got all the answers to the questions from the silence of the nights.

i am letting it go now.
i am glad you found someone.
i wish you the best possible happiness you can ever find...

posts.

2008-09-27T20:50:00.007+08:00

when i wake up one day, i will know this isn't just a dream. i will be sober. i will take the step forward.

but now, just let me sleep. let me be. let me rest. cos' i'm damn tired, walking down this road.

belated birthday dinner for lixiang last sunday, or what was left of what was supposed to be a raggers gathering. ha ha. but it was alright... and nostalgic, catching up on our lives. ha ha, felt a sense of "maturity" among all of us - the crazy antics that we were are gone. seems like such a long time, when it has only been two years since. when these two leave for hongkong next semester, i will miss them sh*tloads. ha ha. seriously... :p

get grossed out !

disclaimer: not my doing hor. ha ha.

2008-09-25T00:16:00.000+08:00

my heart hurts.

2008-09-24T22:40:00.002+08:00

GRUMPS!

tons of work + dance cravings = a very dull and sad boat :(

2008-09-23T00:39:00.002+08:00

how long more will i need to forget everything we ever were?

2008-09-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

finally, a breather. i need my term break and its finally here. how joyous it is, i had to sprain my ankle to trotter-size to make myself stay put at home for the week.

as much as i want to rot my term break away at home, sadly, it's not going to happen. i have sh*tloads of school work; am way behind on all the action going on behind thermodynamics; and some long lost friends behind my neck for all the MIA-crap i have given them. (yes yes, my love and xiaobai.) sigh. seriously, the stress has gotten better of me. i am feeling it, full-blown, and its making me nauseated every morning. sighh.

can't be bothered - decided against school today. and it was fruitful - cleared my sleep debts, read the papers, discovered margaret cho, finished the final 4 episodes of so you think you can dance, and right now, blogging away how mundane my life is. ha ha. but its really one of the best days ever recently, i am finally able to stay home the whole day - something which i had not been doing, or rather refrained myself from doing actually. ayes, oh well.

realizations

2008-09-18T22:35:00.002+08:00

one - second chances are hard to come. i can only make my amendments, and cherish what i have now.

two - words are the deepest cuts. they bruise and will forever etch. irrecoverable. and they are double-edged swords. i had my slip of tongue today. but it's pointless to regret. i will live with the guilt that i deserve.

three - my blog is depressing. ha ha.

2008-09-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

perhaps you don't know, i box up memories.
every bits and pieces of it. all intact, timeless, brimming with nostalgia.
and i lay them down accordingly - for some, i prefer to keep them safe in the deepest corners; some are just constantly next to me, reminding me of how i have come this far today. and there are those which i hold dearly, yet i am grappling with everyday.

but i have changed so much over the years. coming to terms with my struggles shocked me and made me realize how much cynicism has overwhelmed me. i am not crushed...definitely not. i am jaded, and it has made me so much more... powerful than ever. funny, how it has given me a sense of control over my life which i never had.

there are times when it still hurts. the wounds will never go away. but its okay. i have learned to deal.

in fact, i've learnt so much more - to cherish those who truly care, who truly love, and who truly know the meaning of being with you. once, my selfishness caused so much hurt to others. i will no longer carry on my mistakes.

mamma mia!

2008-09-14T01:20:00.030+08:00

had sun with moon yesterday as a super-belated-make-up-birthday-dinner for alan. let the pictures do the talking bah. yum. (:

sadly, it was a super da-glam day for us. this was the shuai-est looking picture le. haa.

dinner was divine and so was the movie that comes after.

mama mia is great~ i just have this thing for musicals. coupled with the light-hearted and hilarious plot, "oh, how can i resist ya?" haaa, catch it friends if you haven't, cos the siao cha bors in it really can make you laugh your ass off your seats. (:

2008-09-09T21:59:00.004+08:00

月光下

无言以对
如果会后悔
就该学会
在爱的时候
用智慧盖一座堡垒收藏你的美

流过的眼泪
不算白费
谎言和是非
有点累
心痛只在回味

月光下我们走过的那条街
当时的手还牵得那么直接
是你不再留恋还是美好终究善变

月光下回忆在我身边穿越
你会不会残留着那感觉
熟悉的体温
留下的指纹
别过问

那天凝视你的双眼
不说一句的吻你的脸
喔~ 谁的出现打断了永远...

i still wonder.
what will you be doing right now?
who will you be thinking of right now?
where will you be right now?
how are you feeling right now?

there are days like this - bits and pieces of shadows loomed over the places we've been before. like a faded old film, the scenes replayed in my head. i can still feel myself smiling and i can still see your warmth. i cannot question why things have turn out to be the way they are today anymore - i am too cowardly to. i don't want to succumb to despair - it really isn't worth it anymore. and knowing you, i guess you couldn't have care less - this should hurt. it should cut me. but ironically, i am actually thankful for that. for that is probably why my disappointment overtook the very hurt that could have devastated me.

no tears have fallen ever since you left.
tonight...just tonight, i shall make an exception.

"Sometimes all we need is a little pampering to help us feel better" - Linus, "Peanuts Guide To Life"

2008-09-07T01:35:00.004+08:00

splurged on my favorite japanese buffet with josh earlier at checkers brasserie. haven't been there for some time, the sashimi and green tea ice-cream are still great. (: arghs, but i really need to recover from the flu that has been plaguing for weeks - i have to give the free flow sake a pass. :( oh well, at least i get my sugar high ~

i danced today. i had great company and food. this is the kind of day that will make me smile myself silly at the end. (:

2008-09-04T00:44:00.003+08:00

why do i still care?

why won't your face go away? why do i still twitch when i remember? why do i walk on heavy footsteps as i past the places we have been before?

why am i pushing myself to breaking point?

why am i writing this anyway?

i am not sad - don't misunderstand.
i feel free, liberated. the smile on my face isn't a facade - i am not that melodramatic and you don't deserve any more grief. i am happy with how life has played on on me right now.

i just don't understand - why do i still care?
tonight i pray, that your face will fade away.

in this episode.

2008-09-03T23:42:00.002+08:00

the terrorist look is the new sexy in season 5 of "who wants to score CAP 10 in chem engin?"

score an A+ for cn3132 today, wear your turbans!- or get bombed by far(k)-ooq!

sick.

2008-09-02T19:01:00.006+08:00

no one likes to show their mugging-face.

the flu bug doesn't want to go away - dying.
sick + rainy weathers + tons of school work = grumpy boat.

on happier occasions, family time with xiaomei's twelfth birthday. (:

quote of yesterday
bimbs: "go eat shit in the toilet"
himbs: "don't have. constipating. :("

dreams.

2008-08-31T16:28:00.002+08:00

dreams.

what are they?

do they reflect your innermost desire? do they speak of the unbearable truth that you fought so hard to bury? do they tell us how wounded our heart is? or are they the symptoms of a broken heart?

i build shields to protect what is left.
i fade memories to save the pieces.
i hide my heart so that i can't find it anymore.
i have done what i can - so why do i still have dreams then? why must i still wake up with this unbearable coldness beside me? why why why?

ayes.

amy adams.

2008-08-31T01:22:00.004+08:00

just got to love her.

if I didn't care more than words can say
if I didn't care would I feel this way?
if this isn't love then why do I thrill?
and what makes my head go 'round and 'round
while my heart stands still?

if I didn't care would it be the same?
would my ev'ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
and would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
would all this be true if I didn't care for you?

irony

2008-08-30T22:05:00.001+08:00

people entered and leave our lives
opportunities were taken, but that don't promise an end
likewise we all fall, there are times when these are crucial
for without a loss, there will never be a treasured gain.

in possession of an item, only forces one to lose control
for an item can never be yours, someone can take it away
but if you belong to the item, there is the difference
for it's you it longs for, it's you it'll stay.

everyone wishes that sadness was temporary
they cry because happiness is period
you've got an inch, but you're asking for a mile

there will never be something that truly emplifies your truth
for the truth doesn't stay true, at least, not for long.

irony that rules, contradictions that survived
the improper behavior is what truly last
something that no one can ever propagate right.

wall-e

2008-08-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

the movie makes me smile.

(:

funny.

2008-08-18T17:00:00.001+08:00

i tried so hard to cry again today, but i just couldn't.
it was beguiling.
there just weren't any sense of grief or despair. neither was there a sense of hopelessness.

i just can't cry for you anymore.

on the contrary, i feet anger - dark, haunting and hollow.
i want so much to hurt and inflict pain.
i want to destroy.
i want to erase.

funny, just to know how strong i am right now.

melodrama aside, decide to blog again. woo, celebrate.